Escape

But I will rescue you on that day, declares the LORD; you will not be handed over to those you fear. I will save you; you will not fall by the sword but will escape with your life, because you trust in me, declares the LORD. Jeremiah 39:17-18 (NIV)

My office is in a 1913 Carnegie Library building that served as our city library for sixty years before it became our historical records library. Most of the building is original with a small addition to the back that was completed in the 1950s. This newer construction included a patio that we recently enclosed with a roof and chain link fence to keep the homeless people from using it as their bathroom. I work on the second floor of the original building where the stacks of books used to be kept. It now is storage space and not accessible to the public. I have a very quiet work environment that provide a good place for sorting through the many personnel issues that I face each day. My work space is seen as a sanctuary for staff who need a kind word or a listening ear. They come for wisdom or calm which I will be the first to tell you does not come from within me, but the God I serve. In my own right, I am far from wise or calm. Yesterday, an employee was in talking to me, and it got to be closing time. Because I had to stay late for a special event, anyway, and because she needed to talk, I did not cut her off, but let her continue to vent. When my other staff called to remind me it was time to go home, I told them to leave and I would follow later. They did so. When we were finished talking, the woman and I left together. We exited out of the back door onto the fenced patio. Just as I shut the library door, we noticed that my staff that had left earlier had closed the padlock on the gate that entered the patio. As the library door swung closed behind me, I realized that my keys were in my car. On the other side of the chain link fence. We were locked onto the patio with no way back into the library or out of the gate. We couldn’t even climb over the fence because it goes all the way up to the roof. There was no way of escape. Thankfully, I had my cell phone and called another staff person to come back and open the gate for us. About ten minutes later, he arrived, laughing at my predicament and taunting me because he was free and I was not. Fortunately, he soon let us out and we escaped from our enclosure. Sometimes, I get into other situations where there seems to be no way out. I may have created my own prison from my choices or it may simply be the circumstances that surround me. No matter which way I turn, there is no means of escape. Yet, God is always just a cry for help away. Though we may have to wait upon His timing, we can always depend upon Him to be the key to our release.

Rainy Days

But God made the earth by his power; He founded the world by His wisdom and stretched out the heavens by His understanding. When He thunders, the waters in the heavens roar; He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth. He sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from His storehouses. Jeremiah 10:12-13 (NIV)

It rained!!! We are in the midst of a drought so the sight of grey clouds is welcome news. The grass crunches when you walk on it, and my potted plants withered away. Survival of the fittest is the rule of landscaping at my house. Over the past few days, we had just slight showers here and there, but today, it came down in torrents. When I went home at lunch, the horses were tucked up under the barn roof napping. I guess they love the sound of rain hitting a metal roof as much as I do. I longed to lay down for a rest as well, but duty called, and I left the darkened house to brave the storm and return to work. I probably would not have been able to sleep anyway. The rain brought thunder and lightening along with it, and Lucy and Sky were both nervous wrecks. Sky has always been afraid of thunder, but she will find a secure place, beside the bed or under a table, and wait it out. Perhaps Lucy caught Sky’s attitude. Ever since she was a pup, Lucy has been afraid of the storms. She gets restless and moves continually. From inside the closet to behind the toilet (quite a sight to see a Doberman wedged behind the toilet), she paces around the house, all the while panting and shaking. She is a pathetic sight, a large lump of quivering dog looking at me with big eyes asking me to stop the noise. Even though I reassure her, she is still afraid. There is nothing I can do to help. Only the storm’s end will bring her peace. When I left the house, I did not make the dogs go back outside, but left them inside. At least there, they do not have to worry about getting wet, and I think the thunder might be a little quieter inside than in their other refuge, the garage. All of us have to go through the storms of life at one time or another. Some of us might even feel that it is hurricane season and one after another rushes over us. We never get our breath. While we cannot choose our circumstances, we can certainly choose how we will react to them. What do you do when faced with a storm? Like Lucy, do you run from one thing to the next seeking comfort and security, yet never finding that peace that you desire? Or are you more like Sky, still unsettled and anxious, but in a safe place waiting for the storm to end? Or are you like the horses? Content that there is a covering of protection over you and choosing to listen to the pleasant drum of raindrops rather than the loud crash of thunder? God will protect you. He knows all and controls all even the storms of life. Trust Him. Wait for the storm to pass. Rest under His umbrella. He is at work.

River of Gladness

Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Psalm 46:3-5 (NIV)

Youngest son is home from his mission trip to the Amazon. He brought back some souvenirs and lots of pictures and stories, but more importantly, he returned with an enthusiasm for helping the Brazilian people, particularly the children. When he left, he was excited about seeing the rainforest and an adventurous river trip. He took a big knife and fancied himself a young Indiana Jones. Yet, upon his return, when we asked him what his favorite part of the trip was, it was not the jungle or the water that caught his attention. Instead, he replied, “Playing with the children.” His newfound love for them is evidenced by the pictures he took. There is one of him cuddling on his lap a little girl about two years old. Another of him horsing around with two young boys. He played soccer with all of the children, distributed the many small balls that he brought and left behind the sports equipment. In some photos, he is shown teaching Bible stories and helping the children act them out. He laughed when he displayed the picture of his students wrapping a child in first aid bandages while he told the story of the Good Samaritan. Several pictures show him using his limited first aid supplies to treat infected sores caused by bites and scrapes allowed to fester in a wet environment. He expressed regret that he could not do more. Children lined up for his attention, and he ran out of bandages and antibiotic cream before being able to help them all. One set of pictures he particularly prizes. In them, a young girl with two club feet stands leaning against a friend for support. “We are going to get her here to the States so her feet can be operated on,” he said confidently. He was eager to tell me about his week. I sat in amazement and listened. All my questions were answered. I heard how he had diarrhea the whole time because of something he ate. He said the food was not all that good, but that he didn’t go hungry. He quit taking his malaria pills because they made him sick. He swam in the Amazon and caught a crocodile. I learned about the trees and the animals, the snakes and spiders. But mostly, I heard about the children and their needs. He wants to go back next summer for a longer period of time. He knows he needs to take more medical supplies and learn some advanced first aid skills. He wants to help. The hardships of the trip did not faze him. Illness. Lost luggage and supplies. Poor food. Contaminated water. Harsh conditions. Broken equipment. They were not problems for him. Only hurdles to jump over to get to his real goal. Helping the children. When he was born, God promised me that youngest son would grow up to be a great man of God. He is only seventeen, but I see that promise has already been fulfilled.

Wisely Silent

If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom. Job 13:5 (NIV)

Several years ago, one Monday morning, a coworker asked me how my weekend was. I went into a tirade about my dog getting hold of one of my chickens and badly mangling her. I was not sure that she was going to live and made a pen for her in the kitchen to nurse her back to health. After ten minutes of ranting including a thorough explanation of all my work and my anger at the dog, I casually asked him about his weekend. Very calmly, he stated, “My mother died yesterday.” Oh how bad I felt as I thought back to the insignificance of my problems compared to his. I think about that scene frequently and try to use it as a guide to remind me to be the first to ask how someone is feeling before I dump my load upon them. A similar situation happened today. For weeks now, I have griped to anyone who will listen about some choices one of my children is making. I am struggling with letting go and stepping back so he can learn some lessons and experience some consequences. For a long time, I have nurtured him, bailed him out and assisted him so now that he is an adult, even though I recognize the necessary of cutting the strings, it is still very hard to stop helping him. It is like drawing a line in the sand and trying not to cross over it, but finding myself jumping back and forth. I meddle, withdraw, offer support, and rescind my offer. Back and forth I go. Yesterday, I transferred money into his account, then, thirty minutes later thought better of it and transferred it back out. I know the bank must think I’m crazy. And maybe I am. Today, in the midst of my frustration, I learned that an employee was experiencing the second anniversary of his daughter’s death. She was seventeen when she died. We spent some time talking about how much he misses her and all the things he regrets he never got to say to her or do with her. He said he finds it odd that while all his other children are growing up, she will always remain seventeen. I may never truly understand the depths of his grief, but I tried to encourage him by listening. He seemed a little lighter when he left, but for a time, I remained at my desk in silence. For all of my complaining about my child, it could be much much worse. I felt a mix of sadness for him and gratitude that my burden is so much lighter than his. Yet, not one hour later, someone asked me about my child, and I launched into my litany of woes once more. This time, the image of my friend’s grief caught me mid sentence, and I stopped complaining. In the face of his pain, I can learn the wisdom of silence if I am willing to just stop talking.

Catching Up

Three new posts below. I have been too distracted to get to the computer, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been alot going on!

What Don't We Talk About?

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20 (NIV)

When I entered my 40s, I had no idea that my life was about to be turned upside down. In the very private family in which I was raised, no one talked about such things as “the facts of life.” What I learned, I learned at school, from friends or simply by experience. As I turned 40 and began having odd symptoms such as memory loss, occasions where I could not speak intelligently, could not remember people’s names or had unexplained worries or anxieties, I sincerely thought I was losing my mind. I guarded my condition carefully and covered up my flaws thinking that if anyone knew they would have me committed. It was a source of fear and frustration as I attempted to maintain my normal life. Coping skills worked to a point, but I was never really sure that it wouldn’t all come crashing down on me. Until in a fleeting conversation with my mother, she let it slip that the women in my family often enter perimenopause at an early age. Relief flooded over me as I realized that what I was experiencing was normal. I was not completely nuts. After research and several attempts at finding a doctor who would listen to my complaints, my fears were laid to rest with a few simple tests and the help of a kind and compassionate nurse practitioner. From that time, I have made it my goal to help other women in my life know what is happening to them or what will come in a way that is not scary or intimidating, but that can prepare them so they are not left laying in bed at night sure that any moment they will be sent to the loony bin. It is amazing how many women I encounter in my everyday life who when prompted confide the same feelings I once had. We all hear about hot flashes and night sweats, but not many people realize what havoc hormones or the lack of them can play with your mind and emotions. It is just not something we talk about. Yet every woman at some time will go through this phase though not all to the degree that I did. It made me wonder, what else do we not talk about? As much as I want the women around me to be relieved and know that they are normal, even more so, don’t I care about the comfort and satisfaction that can come from giving your life over to God? That they can have a Savior who will take them to heaven when they die, but also that He came to give them life more abundantly in this world as well? Life doesn’t have to be full of fear and anxiety even if your hormones are out of whack. The God who created us, even those persky hormones and the doctors who can help treat them, has everything under control if we just depend upon Him for guidance and wisdom.

Out of Touch

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 (NIV)

Youngest son left for a mission trip to Brazil over a week ago. Though the original information said they would not take anyone under eighteen, youngest son’s size and maturity impressed the group leaders enough that they bent the rules for him. That coupled with his outdoor training, big knife and willingness to kill snakes and spiders. The ladies all voted him onto the team as did a few of the men. They flew from Miami into Manaus, Brazil where they boarded a boat to take them sixteen hours up the Amazon River to three small villages where they are conducting Bible classes for children and adults. Youngest son is in charge of recreation and took a bag of soccer balls and hackey sacks (those little knit balls that you do soccer tricks with). We made him promise that he would not try to swim across the Amazon as so many people warned against doing that for fear of the parasites he might encounter. Not to mention snakes, crocodiles and man eating fish. The last time we talked to him was just as he boarded the plane for Manaus. I thought that there would be an opportunity for another call once the plane landed and before they got on the boat, but no call came. Perhaps, because it was the middle of the night, and they did not want to bother me. Or maybe, finding a phone to use was difficult. At any rate, as of this posting, it has been more than eight days, one hundred and ninety two hours, since I talked to my child who is living in the rain forest so far from civilization. I complained to a friend that I had not gotten a phone call from Brazil, and she said, “You don’t want a phone call from Brazil.” No, I guess I don’t. No news is good news in this case. Most of the time, I haven’t worried. He is very mature and capable. If anything, he will be the one getting the rest of the group out of a sticky situation. In fact, it is not the big things I worry about, but the little ones. Is he taking his malaria pills? Is he wearing sunscreen and bug spray? Is he avoiding ice and fresh foods rinsed in water that might be contaminated? Is he getting enough to eat? I would so love a phone call just to know the answers to those routine questions. Sometimes, our relationship with God is like that as well. We know to go to him with the big issues of life. When we get into trouble, He is the first one we call upon. But, what about in the daily grind? Do we ask for His help there? Know that God cares about you and the little everyday details as well. Don’t wait for a crisis to have a conversation with Him. You don’t need a phone to reach God. Just speak. He’s listening. All the time.

Generation Y

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come. Psalm 71:17-18 (NIV)

Recently at work, we went through some training on age differences. The speaker, Lenora Bresler, talked about the different generations and their traits and told that we are the product of our formative years, ages 5-12. She noted that much of what was happening in the world during our elementary school years shapes not only our world view, but how we think about ourselves and how we react to others. She stated that sometimes workplace differences are based not on true conflict, but on a lack of understanding in how someone thinks or wishes to be recognized. It was all very interesting as she outlined the attributes of the Veterans (born before 1945), the Boomers (born 1946-1964), Generation X (born 1965-1981) and finally, the group now entering the workforce, Generation Y (born 1982-2000). This last category caught my attention, not only because some of my most recently hired employees are in this age bracket, but because my own children are of Gen Y (also called Millennials or Echo Generation). They are among the 76 million babies born during this eighteen year period who were raised in dual career families that could indulge their children with all the new technology, games, fashion and experiences that money could by. These children have never had to wait for their food (microwaves), television shows or movies (TIVO and DVDs), information (computers/Internet) or latest fashions (Wal-Mart and Target). They were influenced by the media who chooses which sound bites they will hear, and MTV, ESPN and reality shows who tell them that anyone can be famous regardless of talent as long as they act outside the norm. They experienced government scandals which taught them that it is okay for leaders to lie, cheat and blame others, and acts of terrorism such as Oklahoma City, Columbine, and 911 which showed them that life is fleeting and transitory. Another trait of Generation Y is that from their childhood, they participated in peer courts that gave them authority and control over others. So, what has this left us with? As Bresler summed up, the members of this generation: have excellent digital abilities, want to be “in the know,” believe everything can be handled through immediate action, are very tolerant regarding differences in their own age set, need to always feel good about themselves, need constant feedback, are not intimidated by authority, use whatever method seems most effective and fastest, believe everyone has an immediate right to be a decision-maker, need help knowing how to work in teams, want individual monetary rewards, don’t believe in absolute truth, are very “rights” oriented and are unreserved about expressing emotional opinions. All of these qualities have both positive and negative attributes. For example, sometimes, we need a person who can make a quick decision, but at other times, it is best to think it through. As I watch my twenty two year old go out into the world and make a life for himself, it helps me to know that the conflict he and I are experiencing is partly a product of the era in which we were each raised. He has his beliefs and ways of working. I have my own. He is his own person. Wisdom will come with time. Even if he believes he is entitled to it instantly.

Family Time

He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. Psalm 78:5-7 (NIV)

When oldest son chose a college four years ago, he picked the one farthest away from home where he could still get in state tuition. (To his alma mater’s credit, there were other reasons, but distance was a decisive factor). It proved to be a good choice for those many other reasons but also because he was a day’s drive from home, too far for Mommy and Daddy to come and rescue him when he got into trouble. While we had reason to be thankful for electronic bank transfers, he is now four years older and standing on the edge of the nest ready to fly away. He will do well for he has his diploma clutched tightly in one claw, and in the other, a legacy of family love and encouragement. How many students had every one of his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents and sibling drive eight hours to attend his graduation, I wonder? Even a second cousin came along for the ride. While it got stressful at times to have all that family in one place, it was an amazing gift of love. Yes, it is very hard to leave work early, drive so far and turn around and drive home again less than two days later. Yes, the baby’s schedule got messed up. Yes, someone would have preferred more diet coke and another peanut M&Ms instead of plain in the hospitality baskets I prepared for their rooms. Yes, one family got put on a different floor than the rest of us. Yes, not everyone got the king size beds they requested. Yes, grandpa got flustered when it appeared traffic would keep him from getting to grandson’s graduation on time. Yes, it poured buckets of rain as we tried to get from the Civic Center to the restaurant and everyone arrived wet and freezing. Yes, grandma insisted we drive an hour to a restaurant she had heard about where they throw rolls at you. Yes, getting eighteen people anywhere is like herding cats. But, EVERYONE came. EVERYONE was supportive. EVERYONE tried hard to be pleasant and not to get stressed about the little things that went wrong. Even more importantly, EVERYONE was on their best behavior when it came time to meet oldest son’s girlfriend for the first time (well, everyone but grandpa). They showered him with even more love than the rain and hail we experienced after graduation. He goes out into the cruel hard world knowing that at home, there are many people who love him, think the best of him, and pray for him. What better heritage could anyone want than that? Jobs may come and go; girlfriends may not stick around (though if she is reading this, I want her to know we hope she does). Life can be uncertain, but family is a gift from God. This weekend was a reminder of how blessed we are. Oldest son may be finished with school, but his family will never stop loving him.

Dropping The Leash

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

In the dark ages BC (before children), I was a dog trainer. It was not my profession, but my hobby. Still, I was certified by the National Association of Dog Obedience Instructors, taught classes two nights a week and trained my own dogs the other two. Like I said, it was before kids so I could be away from home every night and no one really cared. I loved teaching puppy classes. They were so exuberant, the owners so eager and exhausted at the same time. We worked half the class and played half the class as socialization was just as important as learning to mind. I spent most of my time saying, “Loosen up your leash!” as owners thought that to control their puppy, they needed to keep a choke hold on the dog. I tried to teach the humans who were teaching their dogs that the best way to learn was to show them what was expected, then, allow them a chance to do it right before giving them a quick correction back into place followed by tons of praise. Novice classes were more structured as it was there that the now mature dogs learned to work without a leash listening to voice commands only. In that class, the dreaded words were “drop your leash,” as owners tested whether or not their dog could be trusted to obey with no physical restraint to control them. We started off with long leashes and progressed to short pieces of cord that could be snatched if needed. The dogs did not know that they were leashed; the correction would come so fast and be over before they knew where it came from. Eventually, they could do all the basic exercises, heel quickly or slowly, make turns, circles and corners and come when called, all without a leash to guide them. On Saturday, oldest son graduates from college. Four years went by fast as we progressed from standing and staring at his freshman dorm room for one last look to booting him out of the car at midnight and making a run for it his sophomore year. In the last two years, he has only been home for holidays. He has done well. Not in all areas as he is making some choices I wish were different, but he is twenty two now. It is not my life but his. In a sense, I am graduating too. I am now the mom of an adult. An adult who will (hopefully soon! Recession you know) have a full time job, health insurance and a home of his own. We’ve been working towards this day for a long time. We started out with a tight leash, but this week, it is time for me to drop that leash and let him go. I can only trust this promise found in Proverbs. He may stray, but eventually, even though my hands are off the leash, he will return to what he has been taught.